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David says ...
I'd like to address a problem that is so common
that it seems silly to even mention it... It's the idea that too often we use ourpowerful minds and emotions to cause ourselves to FAIL with women rather than SUCCEED with women.
Fear of women can actually become a HABIT that leads to failure.
Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever been in a situation where you sawa woman that you wanted to meet, but you didn't go over and talk to her?
Duh. Of course... we all have.
This is UNIVERSAL. We've all been there so manytimes that the question doesn't even need to beasked. But, the question I want to answer is "Why?" Why is it that when we see a woman that we'dlike to meet, we don't just walk over and starttalking to her? What is it that we're doing inside of our headsthat is preventing us from just DOING IT? Why do we prevent ourselves from beingsuccessful, when it would be SOOOO EASY? And, an even MORE interesting question is: How do we overcome this self- defeating patternof thought and action? I have one friend who I've seen get 25 phonenumbers over the course of a weekend (I saw himget every one of them)... and all of them werefrom women that he had met on the spot. Most of them took less than 5 minutes to get. Now, I have many OTHER friends that can't evenask a woman for her number after they've talked toher a HUNDRED TIMES... and they KNOW she's single. By the way, I have a LOT more of this type offriend... So, what the hell is going on here? Well, like most answers to questions like thisone, the explanation and solution is both verysimple and VERY complex. The short answer is that most of us guys letour initial EMOTIONAL REACTIONS and ourIMAGINATIONS keep us from taking action. In other words, we see a woman we'd like tomeet, we become nervous (for reasons we can'texplain logically), we feel FEAR, we make allkinds of negative MENTAL IMAGES, and we finallyjust decide that it isn't worth it... so we justwalk away. But, isn't this CRAZY behavior? I mean, it doesn't make any sense at all whenyou REALLY reflect and think about it, right? Doesn't it make sense that we should justREALIZE that nothing bad is going to happen, andinstantly change how we behave towards women? Now that we KNOW what we do, shouldn't we beable to just walk out the door and start meetingwomen RIGHT NOW? Well, yes... we SHOULD be able to do that. But like I mentioned, there's an aspect of thisproblem that is very COMPLEX... and therefore notas easy to change quickly. As any dog trainer will tell you, a bad HABITisn't always easy to change. If you've been doingthis for awhile, then it might take more than justsome positive thinking to get this handled. I read awhile back a fascinating book called"Mean Genes" that was written by a couple ofevolution specialists (Terry Burnham and JayPhelan). Inside this book, these guys point out thathumans are HORRIBLE at assessing risk and return,and that they often make horrible decisions forthemselves. But here's the kicker: We all make the SAMErisk/return mistakes in the SAME situations... andthis is most likely a GENETIC pre-disposition! In other words, WE'RE BORN WITH IT. So, you might see a woman that you'd like totalk to, then use your imagination to create somepainfully scary ideas about how you might getrejected (which wouldn't happen in a millionyears), and then you feel a wave of fear andnervousness wash over your entire body... and youdecide it's just not worth it, so you walk away. This is that "automatic bad risk/return system"in action. And often, these poor decisions cause us to sayto ourselves, "Damn it. Why do I keep doing that?I'm a such a loser..." and we beat ourselves upeven MORE over it. As you know, these can become self-fulfillingprophesies and just make themselves BIGGER overtime. So, what's the answer? Well, first you have to BREAK THE HABIT ofmaking yourself feel BAD and AFRAID, and LEARN thehabit of making yourself feel GOOD and OPTIMISTIC. Remember, you've been doing things the way youdo them for a long time now, so it might take somePRACTICE to be able to do this in the moment everytime you need to... Here are some action steps:1) Take some time to vividly imagine the BESTpossible outcome of walking up and talking to awoman that you find attractive. Every time you seea woman that you'd like to meet, just do this. Tryit for a few days. Then realize that this BESToutcome is far more likely than your WORST idea ofwhat could happen. Read that again. Your BESToutcome IS FAR MORE LIKELY than your worst.2) Make a "realistic" list of the worst thingsthat could happen, then decide exactly what you'ddo if any of them actually did happen. You'llrealize that you can deal with them and livethrough it.3) Realize that NOT taking the risk to meet awoman is actually a BIGGER risk in the LONG RUN ofyour overall life. If you risk NOT meeting her,you'll never know what might have happened, and ifyou let it become a habit, it will keep you fromrealizing ALL your dreams in life. Think about it... in any given situation, YOUhave the opportunity to make a "free bet": Yourbet is you walking over and starting aconversation. Possible loss: Getting turned down. Possible gain: Use that creative imagination. You do the math. This is like going to Las Vegas and having acasino say to you, "OK, you can bet all day longas much as you want. If you win, you keep all themoney. If you lose, you lose nothing." Are you with me? Use this concept to go out and overcome yourhabit of not talking to women. Do it now. By the way, if you have other "inner issues"that you need to address in the area of women anddating, I'd like to recommend that you go andcheck out my "Deep Inner Game" program. This program contains a system and set of toolsyou can use to fix and overcome your Inner Gameproblems... and there is nothing like it anywhereelse on the planet. If you'd like to overcome your fear ofapproaching women, along with all of the otherInner Game issues that are coming up for you, thengo check this out. Watch the video preview clips.And get it:http://www.DoubleYourDatingResources.com/e/10020/DeepInnerGame/ If you've gotten your INNER issues handled, andyou'd like to learn some fantastic TECHNIQUES...then you need to check out:1) My Cocky Comedy DVD/CD program. This is acomplete education in one of my very favoritetechniques to create ATTRACTION. You'll learndirectly from me and my special guest speakers...how to spark attraction with women, buildchemistry, and DIAL UP the sexual tension... gocheck out the samples here:http://www.DoubleYourDatingResources.com/e/10020/CockyComedy/2) My Body Language DVD program. Women makeliterally DOZENS of judgments about you asthey're first meeting you. Your body languagecommunicates far more than you think... and if youknow how to use your Body Language to CONSCIOUSLYcreate attraction, you will be WAY ahead of thecompetition. All the details are here:http://www.DoubleYourDatingResources.com/e/10020/BodyLanguage/ Finally, if you're interested in a deepereducation on the topic of ATTRACTION, then Irecommend that you read my second book "AttractionIsn't A Choice". This will take you "behind thescenes" and teach you why women are attracted tosome men and not others... and how to create itwith all kinds of things OTHER than compliments,food, gifts, and ass-kissing. You can go anddownload it here, and be reading it within just afew minutes:http://www.DoubleYourDatingResources.com/e/10020/AttractionBook/ I'll talk to you again soon. Your Friend, David D.
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