Saturday, October 14, 2006

first kiss




see earlier post Posted by Picasa



A Sardar gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the
>bedroom.
>He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
>"What's up?" he says.
>"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
>He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling, his
>4-year-old son comes up and says: "Papa! Papa!
>UncleDuggi is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
>The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his
>screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
>Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet
>floor.
>"You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack
>and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
>
>Have a nice day!

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Those ABSURD jokes

Have all the Sardarji jokes died with a suave Sardar becoming our PM? Or haven't they, wonders BAGESHREE S.







The best Sardarji jokes come from within the community itself. — Photo: AP

"ONCE ZAIL Singh went to... " That's how every other joke went in the Eighties. The former President, a quiet and scholarly man, was the butt of seven out of 10 jokes. And the remaining three revolved around Santa Singh and Banta Singh. Some clever and some dumb. And many that would be considered offensive by even those who are not sticklers for political correctness; even by the standards of those years when people didn't get fired for cracking racial jokes in an office.

Now that we have a Sardar for a Prime Minister, logically, we should have had a million "Once Manmohan Singh went to... " variety of jokes. But anybody heard anything of that kind of late? Hmmm? That unanimous "No" leaves us with one old and one new question: how does it feel for a community to be constantly at the receiving end of jokes? And hey, have all those jokes suddenly disappeared?

"Now that we have an `intelligent Sardar' for Prime Minister there seem to be no more jokes!" laughs Kanchan Kaur, mediaperson. "Now, did I say `intelligent sardar'? You think that qualifies for an oxymoron?" she asks, with a heartier laugh. She recalls her late father's remark about Sardarji jokes dying a quiet death when Manmohan Singh became Finance Minister. "The best thing about the community, anyway, is that they can laugh at themselves. The best Sardarji jokes I've heard are from my own father and brother." Her father, in fact, would put Santa-Banta characters in Irish jokes and turn them into Sardarji jokes. "Come to think of it, I haven't met a single Sardarji who seriously minds being laughed at." And who could have cracked more jokes than that Sardar of all Sardars, Khushwant Singh?

Ask Kuldip Singh Rekhi, President, Karnataka Punjabi Welfare Association and General Secretary of the Sri Guru Singh Sabha (Ulsoor Gurdwara), to consider the two grave questions, and he seems tickled. "Who told you there are no more Sardarji jokes?" he asks. "There will be no jokes left on this earth when Sardarji jokes stop doing the rounds." Point out to him that there are no jokes on Manmohan Singh, and he urges you to be patient. "The man has not revealed his qualities yet. Wait and trust Jaspal Bhatti to come up with some fantastic ones!" Describing Sikhs as a "jolly community", he echoes Kanchan when he says that he is yet to meet a Sardar who gets offended by these jokes. "We work hard and laugh harder," he says, with unmistakable pride. Preetam Singh, who runs an industry, says that it is by God's grace they are made the way they are. "Aaap tho khush hue na? Good if you are giving everyone happiness," he says. Concurs Chiranjeev Singh, the soft-spoken Development Commissioner of North Karnataka. "The community has a tremendous capacity to laugh at itself," he says. "They may not like the malicious ones, but a good number of them (the jokes) come from within the community! It actually speaks of its maturity." And on Manmohan Singh, he doesn't share Rekhi's views: "Well, what can you say about such a decent, honest, and learned man?" Kanchan, on the other hand, wonders if the trend has something to do with people, on the whole, taking life more seriously than they ought to. "Tell me, do we any longer have a decent humour column even in any newspaper?"

Interesting what Khushwant Singh himself has to say about Sardarji jokes in an article on Manmohan Singh: "... I look forward to a new brand of Sardarji jokes following Manmohan Singh's prime ministership. So far they have been the butt of humour as a simple-minded naïve community. Though Zail Singh was himself a man of great wit, his lack of sophistication was grist to the mill of Sardarji baiters. They will find it impossible to pick on Manmohan Singh as a Sardarji stereotype. All said and done, his promotion to the top position does fulfil the prophecy of the Gurus repeated at the end of every Sikh prayer: Raaj Karega Khalsa. (The Khalsa shall rule.) Not with the kirpan though, but with a ball-point pen."

With the opinions divided, we can only wait and see if they will be able to pick on Manmohan Singh — suave, English-speaking, the father of globalised Indian economy. And yet, a Sardar. If they don't, it would prove that there is a typical middle-class mindset operating behind all jokes. If they do, in all likelihood, we would have Manmohan Singh himself laughing along, maybe even adding his own. After all, every Sikh this correspondent spoke to ended his/her conversation with what he/she considers the best Sardarji joke!

The Gurbani, we are told, emphasises that the worst enemy of every human is "humain" or "I am" — Humain deerag rog hai/ Daaroo thi iss mahein (The ego is a foul disease, its cure is also in it.) That the community can laugh at itself so heartily is proof of how seriously it takes this dictum.


The Belgians too...

CHRISTIE DAVIES, University of Reading, England, offers a serious take on Sardarji jokes. The scholar, who specialises in morality and humour, studied them when he was a visiting lecturer in India in the Seventies, and talks about their socio-cultural origins in his book, Ethnic Humor Around the World: A Comparative Analysis.

Davies says, in an e-mail chat with MetroPlus: "All stupidity jokes are told about people who are like us but live on the edge of our culture. For example, the Irish in U.K., the Belgians in France, the Sikhs in India. Just look at the map. The Irish speak English, but differently. The Belgians speak French, but differently. They are not real foreigners but cousins who seem to be a funny version of ourselves." The same applies to Sardars in India. Their distinctive characteristics such as not cutting their hair and carrying a sword are woven into jokes, he says. "Otherwise, the stupidity jokes are the same as elsewhere."

Talking about the decline of Sardarji jokes, he says: "There are fewer stupidity jokes generally than in the 1970s and 1980s not just in India, but everywhere. It is just fashion, nothing to do with politics. You might ask, though, whether the jokes stopped being told in the weeks after the massacre at the Golden Temple and Mrs. Gandhi's subsequent assassination. I have heard conflicting accounts."

* * *

In a paper titled Why does everyone laugh at the Belgians, Davies makes some interesting observations about the Belgians being the butt of jokes for two reasons — their language and their religion. A nation that has no language of its own, it is divided by the languages of two of its neighbours. Flemish is close to Dutch and the Waloons speak French. Davies observes that from the point of view of the Dutch and the French, the Belgians speak a "stupid" version of their own language. And Belgians look to the Netherlands or to Paris for the "correct", "sophisticated" version of their own language. "Even the brilliant Hercule Poirot wished to learn `proper' French," he writes. And the stupidity jokes are also reinforced by the fact that it is a Roman Catholic nation — in contrast to Calvinist Holland and the Secular Republicanism of France. "Catholics are more likely to be the butt of stupidity jokes as in the case of the Irish, Poles, Slovaks, Portuguese, Pastusos, etc.," writes Davies.

And he makes a reference to the Sardarji jokes in the same vein: "It might be worth noting that the other main group to be the butt of stupidity jokes in more than one country, namely the Sikhs (Sardarji jokes), are a people defined in religious terms."

Anonymous said...

AN UNUSUAL GROCERY LIST
>
>A poor lady Louise Redden, walked into a grocery store.
>
>She approached the owner in a humble manner
>and asked if she could take a few groceries on credit.
>
>John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and asked her to leave.
>
>She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work.
>"Please, sir ! she said ,I will bring the money just as soon as I can."
>
>John told her he could not give on credit, since she did not have an
>account at his store.
>
>Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation .
>He took one look at the lady and told the grocer that he would pay for her.
>
>The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?"
>
>Louise replied, "No sir."
>
>
>
>
>"O.K" he gave her a pad and said sarcastically,
>" make a list and put it on the scales.
> Whatever it weighs, I will give you that in groceries."
>
>Louise, hesitated for a moment , then reached into her purse,
>took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it.
>
>She laid the piece of paper on the scale with her head bowed.
>
>The scales went down with the weight of the list and stayed down.
>
>The grocer, staring at the scales said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."
>
>The customer smiled as if he knew
>
>
>The grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales.
>
>The scale did not balance so he put more and more until the scales could
>hold no more.
>
>
>
>
>The grocer stood there in utter disbelief.
>Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper and looked at it .
>
>It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:
>
>
>
>"Dear Lord, you know my needs
>and I am leaving this in your hands."
>
>The grocer gave her the groceries and stood in stunned silence.
>
>Louise thanked both the men and left .
>
>The other customer handed over the payment and said:
>"Now you know how much a prayer weighs."
>
>
>
>
>When you receive this, say a prayer.
>That's all you need to do in life .
>
>
>

Anonymous said...

How to Fight a Traffic Ticket
One minute you’re cruising down the highway making record time on your commute, and the next you’re pulled over on the side of the road with the flashing lights of a police cruiser in your rear view mirror. Were you really guilty of the crime? Since you are innocent until proven guilty, here is how you can try to beat that ticket.
Steps
Be polite and cooperative when you get pulled over. Being belligerent or indignant may make you feel better but it might cost you more. By being polite and cooperative, the officer may just write your ticket for a less costly offense instead of what was actually committed and with luck, you might just get a warning! On the other hand, if you are nasty or curt, the officer may note this and the prosecutors will be less likely to cut you a deal if this went to court.
Avoid admissions of guilt and never make excuses or create outlandish stories. When you are asked if you know why you were pulled over, just respond with a simple and polite, "No officer, I do not,". Keep in mind that honesty is the best policy especially when you prefer to get off with merely a warning. On the otherhand, if you do get you the ticket, and decide to contest it, remember that any admissions you make now, can be used against you later.
Follow one of the two theories regarding how you question the officer.


Adopt the 'low-profile' technique. Ask the officer if you can handle the ticket by mail. The officer will immediately see you as a low probability to go to court and may take fewer notes. When you do challenge the ticket, the officer's sparse notes will make him want to skip the hearing. Even if he does come to the hearing, his sparse notes and memory will help the judge decide in your favor. Questioning the officer on the other hand will cause him to write voluminous notes on the traffic stop.
Alternatively, question the officer more directly, as you are handed the ticket, about how the offense was detected and verified. In the case of a speeding ticket, find out where they were positioned when they clocked you and what type of speed measurement device, was used and if it was radar, laser or Accutrac. Gather as many specifics as possible, including the serial number of the device. If, however the officer estimated your speed by following you, then find out what the location was when he began to follow you. Make sure you write down the patrol car's license plate number and his badge number. If you were cited for an offense other than speeding, make sure you understand exactly why you were pulled over, especially if you were cited for something that could not have been easily seen. Do note that the officer does not have to actually give this information releated to the device used at the time of stop. You can request this information by filing a motion of Discovery, and then you will get that information.
Check your ticket for accuracy by reviewing it immediately upon receipt. There are two considerations here:


If there are inaccuracies that may hurt your case (i.e. if the officer notes on the ticket that you crossed two lanes of traffic when you only crossed one, or if he says traffic was heavy when in fact it was light), ask him immediately to correct them. Be very polite when requesting changes to your ticket. However if you find that the officer is not accommodating, do not argue but record the actual circumstances in your mind, and after he leaves, jot it down.
On the other hand,if there are inaccuracies that may help your case or get the ticket dismissed, such as the wrong license plate number, the wrong street, etc., you do not want to call attention to them.
Begin preparing your defense immediately,once the police officer has given you your ticket and left the scene. Record relevant details, such as traffic and road conditions, weather, time of day, and any extenuating circumstances. If you have a cell phone with a camera take pictures, especially if your defense depends on something like an obscured speed limit sign or a huge pothole that you had to swerve to miss. Go to the officer’s original position (whether stationary or moving) and check for any obstructions that might have caused them to have a poor view of the alleged offense or that might have caused the radar to malfunction. Make a diagram of the road showing where the officer was positioned, which direction you were traveling, where you eventually stopped, and other important details.
Read the fine print on the ticket after you get home, as there is useful information on there that might help you. Make sure you understand all of it, as it will give you instructions on how to proceed to the next step.
Decide whether to fight the ticket by the circumstances involved, and the information on the ticket. Weigh the costs and benefits of contesting the citation.


Find out exactly what offense you are charged with by looking at the code number on the ticket.


Find out what the cost of conviction will be, including the fine, jail or community service, mandatory diversion programs, and increased insurance rates.
Calculate the cost of fighting the ticket and weigh it against the chances of getting it dismissed or reduced to a lower charge.
Decide whether you will need a lawyer. Find out whether or not the jurisdiction where you received the ticket or were involved in an accident will allow you to have a lawyer for a hearing on a traffic ticket that cannot lead to a criminal conviction for either driver (criminal convictions are for DUI, felony hit and run, etc.) This information will be on the ticket. If you plan a civil suit against the other driver in an accident, your attorney can come to court to observe the hearing on the ticket, but may not be involved in the hearing.
For most minor traffic violations, it might not be cost effective to retain an attorney. Some exceptions include a ticket you received while far from home—an attorney can handle your case without you having to travel to court—or a ticket issued by photo enforcement (in many jurisdictions, if you’re not in the court room, there is no way to prove that you were the driver, and the case will be dismissed). You should, however, hire an attorney for more serious infractions, such as DUIs.
Request a trial. Your ticket may include a court date, or you may need to request a trial. For most minor violations, your ticket will also give you the option to pay the fine. In almost all jurisdictions, paying the fine is an admission of guilt, so do not remit payment. Instead, follow the required steps to get your day in court.
Get as much information as you can. Well before your court date, send a written request for discovery—discovery is the legal notion that you are entitled to see all the evidence against you and other relevant information that the prosecutor may have that can help or hurt your case—to the prosecutor’s office (in some jurisdictions, you may need to file a motion for discovery for the judge to consider). In addition, you may be able to file a public records request for relevant information. Some things you’ll want to specifically request (and you generally must make specific requests) include the officer’s copy of the ticket, maintenance and calibration records for any speed monitoring or breathalyzer device that was used by the officer to charge you, and the officer’s training records and certifications. The exact nature of your case and your plan of defense will dictate the exact information you need to get.
Try to cut a deal. In many places, you can request a pretrial conference with the prosecutor. This is an opportunity to plead to a lower charge or get a reduction in points or fines before you go to court. Sometimes you can make an appointment for sometime before the court date, while sometimes you can only meet with the prosecutor right before your hearing. Always consider any deal thoroughly, and make sure you understand the implications on both your driving history and your insurance costs.
Consider traffic school. Many jurisdictions offer an option to attend traffic school. In return, your charges will be dismissed or reduced. Explore this option by researching the law in your state. If you find that traffic school is a good option, request it from the prosecutor or judge.
Request a continuation of your hearing. In most jurisdictions, the police officer who gave you the ticket must show up for the court hearing. If he or she fails to show, your case will be dismissed. Many times officers will schedule many court hearings on a certain day so that they can appear for all of them at once. If you request a continuation (a change of date) you increase the odds that the officer won’t show up. You usually need to do this in writing, and typically you will need to make your request several days in advance of the scheduled hearing. You might see about choosing a court date that is closer to the holidays - this might increase the odds of your officer being out on vacation.
Plan your defense. Once you’ve decided to go to court, make sure you know how you will argue your case. If there is a particularly egregious error on your ticket, you may be able to rest your defense on that, but minor discrepancies (such as the color of your car) won’t help you out. If your defense is based upon extenuating circumstances, make sure they are sufficient to warrant a dismissal. The judge will not be particularly impressed by “I was running late to work,” for example. Make an outline of your points, and make sure your evidence is well-organized.
Go to court and plead not guilty. Show up to your hearing looking clean and professional. If you have not yet had the opportunity to speak to the prosecutor, now is a good time to do so. Unless you are offered a satisfactory deal, plead “not guilty.” A plea of “no contest” or “guilty with explanation” will do you no good. Remember, just showing up to court may result in a dismissal if the police officer doesn’t also show up.


In Broward County, Florida, and perhaps in other places, if the officer does show up, change your plea to “no contest”; in most cases you will only pay court costs, with no points on your license and no traffic school necessary. There are many law firms in the area that will handle this for you for a reasonable fee, saving you the time and lost wages of going to court.
Use facts to present your case to the judge without admitting guilt. "I was only doing 57 in a 55." is an admission of guilt. "I was traveling at safe speed for the conditions." does not admit guilt. Politely and clearly explain your defense, entering evidence as necessary. In some cases (a malfunctioning stoplight or an obscured speed limit sign, for example) you may be able to admit guilt without harming your case. Many conservative municipalities, however, maintain a master copy of all traffic laws, speed limits, and zone descriptions in a set of books at a courthouse or town hall. Sometimes these municipalities will not take your (legitimate) ignorance of the law as an excuse.
Make mental or handwritten notes of the decisions of the Judge. Many courtrooms do not record conversations for traffic proceedings where criminal penalties are not reasonable. There can be ambiguity in how the Judge declares your guilt or innocence and any penalties you might face. Make sure the Clerk or Collections department has information that matched what the Judge decided.
Follow through with all the court’s requirements. Many times the judge will allow you to pay a fine without incurring the points on your license, or he or she will allow you to enter a diversion program. These arrangements and others can only benefit you if you follow through and complete the requirements in a timely manner. If you don’t, you will most likely be convicted of your original offense, and other charges may follow.
Request a copy of your motor vehicle record (MVR) from the state department of motor vehicles. Occasionally, clerical errors result in a dismissed ticket appearing on your MVR as a conviction. These can be difficult to clear up quickly (for example, when your insurer notices and raises your premiums), so it’s best to make sure you record is accurate. Telephone the court building and ask to speak to the Clerk's Office, or speak to somone who can verify that your case is paid, dismissed, postponed, etc.



Tips
The easiest way to beat a ticket is to Avoid a Traffic Ticket in the first place.
Help the officer relax. Traffic stops are the most unpredictable and dangerous part of normal police work, and officers are trained to approach vehicles with extreme caution. Always keep your hands in sight, preferably on top of the steering wheel. If you're stopped at night, immediately turn on your interior lights. Have your license, registration and proof of insurance handy before the officer comes up, or wait until he comes up and then tell him you need to open your glove compartment or purse. Use respectful language, like "Yes, sir" and "No, sir."
Consider recording the conversation during the traffic stop. An audio recording of your interaction with the officer can help you avoid a “he said/she said” situation in court—an argument you will almost certainly lose. Some states require that all parties be notified that they are being recorded, while others do not. Check the external links for more detailed, state-by-state information, and make sure you know the law in your jurisdiction before you record anyone without their consent.
If the officer relies on radar, ask to see the display of your speed on his radar unit. Often the officer has either cleared the result from is display or is fudging. This won’t lead to a dismissal by itself, and in some jurisdictions the officer isn’t required to show you the display, but discrepancies or lack of evidence may help as part of your defense.
Start preparing your defense immediately. It can take time to get necessary information from police departments and prosecutors, so make sure you request this information well in advance of your hearing date. You’ll also need to be proactive throughout the process to keep on top of court deadlines and to ensure you have the most complete defense possible.
Often simply showing up in court to fight the ticket is enough because many times, especially in big cities, there is a high probability that the officer won't show up. If the officer won't show up, then the case is usually dismissed.
In big cities or counties where the turn out for court is usually large, the judge may offer to reduce the charge to a lesser offense (reducing points on your driving record) or to a county ordinance (no points on your record).
Remember the sixth amendment guarantees you a speedy and public trial. For example, in California, a speedy trial is defined as 45 days from the time of the infraction. In many jurisdictions you must go to the courthouse in person to get a court date. During this process you will have to fill out several documents. If your local court system is a backed up, then among those legal documents you are asked to sign, will be one in which you waive your right to a speedy trial. Do not sign that document. You cannot be legally forced to waive this right. What this means is that if the court system cannot fit you in, within those 45 days, (times for your state may vary) then your case must be dismissed.
In some states (including California) you are entitled to a trial by mail. This is the best option for beating your ticket. You submit your claim as to why you are innocent in a letter, and the officer must do the same. While officers will often show up for court because it is an overtime opportunity, trial by mail is pure paperwork, and they will often not bother to submit their side of the story. When this happens, you win by default. Should you lose by mail, you have lost nothing: you can still request an in-person trial (as if your mail verdict never happened), request traffic school, or pay your fine.
Your entire case can rest on your attitude, be on your best behavior inside and outside of the courthouse. Always show respect for the court and the proceedings. Win or lose, it is always best to thank the judge, you never know if you will appear in front of them again.
Most Radar guns need to be recalibrated every 30-60 days, and due to ignorance, lack of funding, or laziness, they are rarely. One solid arguement for your case is to prove that the measurment device is faulty.
In some states the officer must check the calibration after issuing the ticket, usually by using two tuning forks held in front of the radar, which vibrate at the frequencies for 35 mph and 55 mph. Verify whether this was done and documented.
Examine what policies, guidelines, and standards your local transportation authority uses in the design and operation of its infrastructure. "A Policy On Geometric Design of Highways and Streets", also known as the "Green Book", is published by the American Association of State Highway and Transportation Officials, provides the source for most state agencies in the design of their roadways. Similarly, the "Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices", published by the Federal Highway Administration, often serves as the foundation for most states in determining their policies and standards on such traffic control devices as signs, markings, and signals. Much of time, especially on municipal and county roads, traffic control devices do not meet the requirements set forth within the MUTCD and related violations are therefore susceptible to being dismissed from court. The MUTCD is available at no-charge online (see external links).



Warnings
The advice in this article is mostly for Americans in America. For example in many places in the world it is acceptable to offer cash to the police! Different countries (and states in the USA) have very different ways of dealing with things and, of course, different legal systems.
This article is not legal advice and is not intended to substitute for the advice of a lawyer or your own research. Laws and legal processes differ from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, and you must familiarize yourself with those in your jurisdiction.
Don’t ignore a ticket. You must show up for court if your ticket instructs you to. If your ticket gives you the option to go to court or pay the fine, you must do one or the other. If you wish to pay the fine, be sure to do so by the due date
Don’t be belligerent either to the police officer or in court. Belligerence can never help your case, and can frequently hurt your chances of a good deal or a dismissal.
Always make sure you know the implications of proving your defense. Sometimes a defense that seems effective does nothing more than prove your guilt. For example, if you say you were simply traveling at the speed of other traffic, you may prove that you were breaking the speed limit.
The best possible way to avoid a traffic ticket is to try to avoid getting one. This saves you time,money and from a lot of stress.

samuru999 said...

Not nice to scare those those sweet little kids!

Margie

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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BHAAALU

Keshi said...

lol!

Keshi.

Tanushree said...

hi saby,
how are you..
im sorry for not replying earliar..

have a great day...

starbender said...

hahahahhaaaaa..... Cracked me a smile at 8 in the morning!
:)

Miranda said...

LMAO!!

Anonymous said...

You're a dumb idiot.

Tanushree said...

hey thanx for visting my space...and i think water too comes under drinks..

Anonymous said...

>I found this story truly inspiring. Its rather long but I wish you will
>read it,
>
>
>
>=================================================
>
>
>
>A MUST READ - READ TILL THE END
>
>
> An angry letter from a young lady made JRD Tata change his rule.
> Sudha was livid when a job advertisement posted by a Tata company
> at the institution where she was completing her post graduation
> stated that "Lady candidates need not apply". She dashed off a
> post card to JRD Tata, protesting against the discrimination.
> Following this, Sudha was called for an interview and she became
> the first female engineer to work on the shop floor at Telco (now
> Tata Motors). It was the beginning of an association that would
> change her life in more ways than one. The following is in her own
> words:
>
> "THERE are two photographs that hang on my office wall. Everyday
> when I enter my office I look at them before starting my day. They
> are pictures of two old people. One is of a gentleman in a blue
> suit and the other is a black and white image of a man with dreamy
> eyes and a white beard.People have often asked me if the people in
> the photographs are related to me. Some have even asked me, "Is
> this black and white photo that of a Sufi saint or a religious
> Guru?" I smile and reply "No, nor are they related to me. These
> people made an impact on my life. I am grateful to them." "Who are
> they?" "The man in the blue suit is Bharat Ratna JRD Tata and the
> black and white photo is of Jamsetji Tata." "But why do you have
> them in your office?"" You can call it gratitude."
>
> Then, invariably, I have to tell the person the following story.
> It was a long time ago. I was young and bright, bold and
> idealistic. I was in the final year of my Master's course in
> Computer Science at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc) in
> Bangalore, then known as the Tata Institute.
>
> Life was full of fun and joy. I did not know what helplessness or
> injustice meant. It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was
> getting warm and gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was
> the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the
>ladies' hostel. Other girls were pursuing research in different
> departments of Science. I was looking forward to going abroad to
> complete a doctorate in computer science. I had been offered
> scholarships from Universities in the US. I had not thought of
>taking up a job in India.
>
> One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall
> complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a
> standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company
> Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required
> young, bright engineers, hardworking and with an excellent
>academic background, etc.
> At the bottom was a small line:
> "Lady candidates need not apply." I read it and was very upset.
> For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination.
> Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a
> challenge. I had done extremely well in academics, better than
> most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life
> academic excellence is not enough to be successful. After reading
> the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to inform the
> topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice the
> company was perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write,
> but there was a problem: I did not know who headed Telco. I
> thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head
> of the Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers
> (actually, Sumant Moolgaokar was the company's chairman then). I
> took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this
> day I remember clearly what I wrote. "The great Tatas have always
> been pioneers. They are the people who started the basic
> infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel,
> chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for higher
> education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the
> establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I
> study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is
> discriminating on the basis of gender."
> I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later,
> I received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an
> interview at Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was
> taken aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use
> the opportunity to go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous
> Pune saris for cheap!
> I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari. When I
> look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but
> back then they seemed good enough to make the trip. It was my
> first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city.
> To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune
> as I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so
>many ways.
>
> As directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the interview.
> There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this
> was serious business. "This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard
> somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for
> sure that I would not get the job. The realisation abolished all
> fear from my mind, so I was rather cool while the interview was
> being conducted.
>
> Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was
> biased, so I told them, rather impolitely, "I hope this is only a
> technical interview." They were taken aback by my rudeness, and
> even today I am ashamed about my attitude. The panel asked me
> technical questions and I answered all of them. Then an elderly
> gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do you know why we
> said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have
> never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is not a co-ed
> college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a
> first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you
>should work in research laboratories."
>
> I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a
> limited place. I did not know the ways of large corporate houses
> and their difficulties,so I answered, "But you must start
> somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your
> factories."
>
> Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful.
> So this was what the future had in store for me. Never had I
> thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from
> Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married.
>
> It was only after joining Telco that I realised who JRD was: the
> uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not
> get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to
> show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our chairman, who we all knew
> as SM. I was in his office on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata
> headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That was the first
> time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in Gujarati. This was
> the affectionate term by which people at Bombay House called him.
> I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM
> introduced me nicely, "Jeh (that's what his close associates
> called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a
> postgraduate. She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop
> floor." JRD looked at me. I was praying he would not ask me any
> questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it)
> Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that
> girls are getting into engineering in our country. By the way,
> what is your name?" "When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni,
> Sir," I replied.
> "Now I am Sudha Murthy." He smiled and kindly smile and started a
> discussion with SM.
>
> As for me, I almost ran out of the room. After that I used to see
> JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an
> engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of
> him. One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up
> after office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me.
> I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about
> that postcard.
> Looking back, I realise JRD had forgotten about it. It must have
> been a small incident for him, but not so for me. "Young lady, why
> are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I said, "Sir, I'm
> waiting for my husband to come and pick me up." JRD said, "It is
> getting dark and there's no one in the corridor. I'll wait with
> you till your husband comes." I was quite used to waiting for
> Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely
> uncomfortable.
> I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He
> wore a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was
> glowing.
> There wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was thinking,
> "Look at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in
> our country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary
> employee." Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and
> said, "Young lady, tell your husband never to make his wife wait
>again."
>
> In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to
> go, but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the
> steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I
> saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say
> goodbye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused. Gently, he
> said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was the way he
> always addressed me.) "Sir, I am leaving Telco." "Where are you
> going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a company
> called Infosys and I'm shifting to Pune." "Oh! And what will you
> do when you are successful." "Sir, I don't know whether we will be
> successful." "Never start with diffirence," he advised me. "Always
> start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back
> to society. Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish
> you all the best."
>
> Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what
> seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive.
> Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House,
> occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet
> memories of working with Telco.
> Later, he wrote to me, "It was nice hearing about Jeh from you.
> The sad part is that he's not alive to see you today." I consider
> JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person,he
> valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He
> must have received thousands of letters everyday. He could have
> thrown mine away, but he didn't do that. He respected the
> intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor
> money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not
> merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.
>
> Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering
> colleges are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many
> industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at
> all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I
> wish JRD were alive today to see how the company we started has
> grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly. My love and
> respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage
> of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for
> his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care he took
> of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky;
> they had the same vastness and magnificence."
>
> Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the
> Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social development
> initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayan Murthy is her husband.
>
>
>

Anonymous said...

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.

Little Johnny says, “Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?”

“Can you touch your butt with your penis?”

“No,” replies Little Johnny.

“Then, you’re not big enough,” explains the grandfather.

A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it.

Little Johnny then asks, “Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?”

“Can you touch your asshole with your penis?”

“No,” says Little Johnny.

“Then, you’re not old enough.”

Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.

The grandfather looks at him and says, “They look good, can I have one of your cookies?”

“Can you touch your asshole with your penis?”

“I most certainly can!” says the grandfather proudly.

“Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!”

Anonymous said...

How to Get out of a Cellular Service Contract
In the U.S., it can be easier to end a marriage than to leave a loveless relationship with Verizon or Cingular. No, you don't have to move to SIM card swapping Europe. Try these guerrilla tactics to get out of your service contract.

Steps
Be a squeaky wheel. Say you want out because the service isn't up to par. (And really, is it?) Then back that up by filing official complaints online with the Federal Trade Commission and the Better Business Bureau.
Get a lemon. Get a known problematic phone, complain 3 times, be let out of a contract due to your local lemon law.
Try a market-based fix. Some companies such as Celltradeusa.com match unhappy mobile customers with people who'd like to sign up - at a discount, of course. You'll pay a $20 fee to sell your contract on the block.
Look for your provider to bury changes to Terms of Service with your bill. Quite often providers modify their service plans, much of the time the modification is a benefit. It doesn't matter, this voids the previous contract. Read the small print on those inserts included with your bill, it will spell out that you have 30 days (may vary on where you live) to cancel your contract with no charge simply because they changed the contract.
Do a radical move. While potentially extreme, these solutions could free you of the contract:


Get off the grid. Study your provider's coverage map and find a town (maybe in Alaska?) with absolutely no service. Then tell the company you're moving there. They're not legally required to cut you loose, but frustrated consumers have reported success.
Join the army. If you are a member of the US Armed Services and you receive orders to somewhere the company doesn't provide service (it doesn't have to be Iraq) they are obligated to cancel your contract free of charge. Keep in mind, you'll have to provide a copy of your official orders. (However, if you're moving to Kenosha, WI and still want to get out of your contract, you can just black out the location and tell the provider you're being shipped to a CLASSIFIED location. It works.)
Over use Free Roaming. Most phones come with free roaming now. But it's not actually free. The company pays it for you. So all you do is go to an area that is considered roaming (and when you have free nights or weekends) and place a long (5 hours?) phone call to "Moviefone" or something along those lines. You can also set your phone to only roam and instead of utilizing its own network it will search for others and utilize those. This will start adding up for them in the fees they have to pay to the service provider in that area and they will kick you out of the contract. Too bad.
Try talking their language. Call up to complain about the lousy reception you've been getting ever since the end of that 30-day lock in period. Tell them that because they are no longer providing the same service for which you contracted, the contract is void and unenforceable; you just aren't gonna pay anymore, and forget that "penalty clause," because that's against the law in most states (check with a local attorney). Be persistent on this point. When they mention collections (and they will) use the words "abuse of process." In most states this will stop a cell company dead, because it means you will consider suing them for punitive damages if they do anything to affect your credit based on their (in your mind, void) contract. Again, check with a local attorney.
Shrink your plan. As a last resort, cut back to the bare minimum the provider allows and drop any frills, like picture-messaging. Depending on the number of months you have left, this could be cheaper than paying the typically prorated termination fee, which can often run up to $300. However, at some cellular companies changing your plan, even to reduce it, may extend it for at least another year, so do the math first to make certain it will actually save you money.



Tips
Please be aware that some of these tactics may require deception on your part. You may wish to weigh the advantages of getting out of your contract against the value of a clear conscience.
If you have a contract with "Unlimited Nights and Weekends", then anything that the carrier does, or doesn't do, to limit the number of minutes you could use during that period is a potential contract violation on the carrier's part. This might work if you consistently receive 'all circuits are busy now' messages or poorer reception than advertised on their coverage maps. Plus it has the added value of being the truth.



Warnings
Not all contracts provide free roaming. Make sure to check before placing a lengthy roaming call. If it's not free in your contract, it will cost you a fortune.
Some carriers will charge you a hefty Early Termination Fee if they kick you off for excessive roaming. For example, Sprint will charge an Early Termination Fee of $200 if they cancel your service with good cause.
Remember; you haven't heard the last word until an executive or a court says you have.

starbender said...

c'mon--update these posts....
ho-hum, I've already seen this for days.... : [






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