up close and up front

the print on her front was real small
so i went up real close and peered


i got long nose and short sight
my nose hit her tits

and her palm hit my face real hard



A Collection of T Shirt sayings -------- -Son of Baglady

-Pity the poor egg: it only gets laid once
-The Hunchback of Notre Dame's secret mantra: Oh mommy pat my hump.

Janeez!
http://imnutsincapspjs.blogspot.com/2005/10/subject-fw-for-all-goans.html


-What's good for Ugoose is good for Uganda. -We have them just where they want us. J. T. Kirk -I'd rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office. -Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening to an expert. Keep talking. -Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours. -The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it. -The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxie -Love is blind but like is just too freaked out to see straight. -Reality is a crutch for people who can't face drugs. -When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. Art Denman -Sex is a disrobic experience -Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here. J.T. Kirk -Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein -Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. -Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill. -We are the people our parents warned us about. -Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive. -Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. -How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven? -There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting. -Power means not having to respond. -Onward, through the fog. -Never kick a man unless he's down. -Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out. -We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot. -The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. -I'm not as dumb as you look. -I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? -Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer. -How can I love you if you won't lie down? -I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on. -You can find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. -When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. -To err is human. To forgive is unusual. -Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible. -I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you. -I'm the person your mother warned you about. -How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face? -God is dead and I want His job. -Work is the curse of the drinking class. -I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving. -Our parents were never our age. -Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person. -There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools. -Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. -In the country of the blind the one eye'd man is king. -He who laughs last has not been told the terrible truth. -It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys. -When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better. Mae West -I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, okay? -He who laughs last didn't get the joke. -Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide. -You can't fall off the floor. -Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last. -Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me. Mae West -I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. -I think I could fall madly in bed with you. -I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost. -Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints. -Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours. -Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. -I worship the ground that awaits you. -The future isn't what it used to be. -I wish you were a beer. -I want to live forever or die in the attempt. -Love means telling you why you're sorry. -Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy. -Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma. -I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. -I'm having a party in my pants. Want to come? -Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible? -Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness. -Better dead than mellow. -If I follow you home will you keep me? -A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine. -There is no gravity. The Earth sucks. -Buerocrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They merely adjust the compass. -The difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your fish it dies -It's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it. -You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word. -Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive. -The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. -Drink wet cement: Get Stoned. -Kite fliers keep it up longer. -My human experiance is just beginning (This one on a little kid's shirt) -If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. -An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehesable truth. -You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them. (Anon) -Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. -Farmhands Feel Better (ron mcdowell) -Nuke the whales -Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands; meet exciting, unusual people and kill them. -We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God. -Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat. -I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference. -Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do. -When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. -It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools. -If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit. -I'm not cynical. Just experianced. -The torture never stops. -Ignore alien orders. -I know you think you uderstood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant. -I'm not wearing any underwear. Film at 11. -Bend over. I'll drive. -I don't have a drinking problem. I drink I get drunk I fall down No problem -Save our beaches. Harpoon a fat chick. -We dive at five. -I'd walk over you to see the Who. -It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. -I'm for lust. -I want a meal, not a snack. -Bullshit Detector. When alarm sounds, please re-engage your brain. -The word today is Legs ... Spread the word. -Biodegradeable