by 7thsonoferos ©
10. Become a religious zealot.
9. Play the blame game (her/his fault).
8. Refuse to discuss with your partner.
7. Worrying about performance.
6. Think only about "failure to get it up."
5. Never rest or relax: 60 yard dash.
4. Hate sexual relations.
3. Stay stoned out of your mind.
2. Keep your penis soaked in ice.
1. Have your penis amputated.
if nutting else works
get her to hit it real hard
wid her Dandiya
-- I'm a mother, I'd like to fuck
BY SASHA
My husband and I are both in our thirties. We have a two-year-old boy, and after he was born I nursed him for 11 months. During that time, I had literally no libido. This was hard on my husband, obviously -- though I helped him get off during the time I was nursing, I just had no interest in sex. I literally did not have an orgasm for one whole year, from the end of my pregnancy to the time my son was weaned. The instant my son was weaned, it was like night and day, like someone flicked a switch and suddenly I could have orgasms again and my interest in sex was totally back on.
We're contemplating baby No. 2, and while I'm committed to breastfeeding, I dread not having orgasms for almost a year. Am I alone in this nursing side effect? Have there been any studies done on this? Is there any hope? Please don't suggest taking romantic bubble baths with my partner or any other bullshit remedies provided by stupid women's magazines. YO-YO MAMA
A bubble bath? Are you kidding me? Like you need a bloody yeast infection on top of everything else.
When you choose to use your body to make another one, you really aren't prepared for the kind of phenomenal shenanigans it can get up to without your consent. I'll never forget my sister calling me when she was pregnant and hissing into the phone, "I feel like there's an alien inside of me. It's disgusting." I must say, I found this a refreshing admission. I imagine a lot of women suffer the indignities of pregnancy and motherhood in silence. (mind you, some of the sharing I can do without. I'd be happy to never hear the words "mucus plug" again.)
Many encumbrances that our bodies endure, including detrimental ones like viruses, have an unwelcome and deeply altering effect on our already flimsy corporal authority. Here's what's going on with you, in case you didn't know: when you breastfeed, you produce prolactin, a hormone that suppresses estrogen and keeps the milk flowing. With way less estrogen coursing through your body, you're way less horny (you may have also noticed a lack of vaginal lubrication). Just nature's way of making sure that ovulation is suppressed so that one baby gets enough to eat before the other one comes along.
Will it happen again? Quite likely yes, and Sarah at Come as You Are assures me that this is a question they deal with every day. Sadly, I'm not surprised your doctor didn't offer you any information about this possibility. We're all a little silly around moms and sex. All of a sudden we all have to pretend that it wasn't fucking that turned you into one in the first place.
You'll definitely want to read Sexy Mamas: Keeping Sex Alive While Raising Kids by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, the awesome women who also brought us The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex.
I flipped through it at Come as You Are, and it covers the hormone issue in detail. Sarah says she's been interested in putting together a workshop about sexuality and motherhood, too, so keep your eyes open for that. As always, I'm going to recommend Natalie Angier's book, Woman: An Intimate Geography, for the nitty gritty on all that pertains to the female body.
I'd also suggest signing up to the Hip Mama website (www.hipmama.com) and initiating a discussion on the message board. By the way, you're a superstar for getting your husband off while you were feeling totally asexual. The last thing I'd be worried about after I'd pushed something the size of a watermelon out of my business end would be my partner's libido.
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